i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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