whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize