Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
