seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
