she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
