So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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