is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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