Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
