you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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