my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You made out with two different species that night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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