Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can you bring me the toilet please
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
