Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
