how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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