Do you still have your period?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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