FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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