I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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