Screwed.edu
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
