I think I am morally bankrupt
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
