I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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