You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
