I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my sisters under your porch take her home
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
