i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
