My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
