OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
zippers are such a cool invention
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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