Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
