I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
