Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize