There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
