Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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