Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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