there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
