you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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