"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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