You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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