at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
