i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
