That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
