Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I will be naked everywhere
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
