I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
