I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
