um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
