did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
