hotel room ftw
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize