My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
