Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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