"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
