Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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