dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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