i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
