Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
