i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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