I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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