I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
