I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
