TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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