Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
