So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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