the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
