Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have demons in me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
