I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I believe in your delicious
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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