I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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