Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
