You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
be right there i have to get my cape
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
