So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize