fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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