im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize