my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
