He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
