What did we do last night that was yellow?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
