Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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