If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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