That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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