No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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