i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
