his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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