I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
