Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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