im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize