I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
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