69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
