By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
