If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize