What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
