Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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