Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
