watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize