wakey wakey hands off snakey
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
