I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
