My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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