all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
