So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
