i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
