She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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